Where does beauty come from? Do you know what beauty is? Do you think you are beautiful? How would you rate yourself on beauty? Such questions often run through a women's mind daily, and for some of us all day long. We see a women pass us and we think: Wow she has great legs, skin, hair, and body. I want that. But why do we want this? Is it because it will make us feel better? Will we be a better person? Or is it because we feel we need our husbands approval? Are we scared we may loose them if we are not exactly how we were when we met? It is painfully woeful how we as women view ourselves when complete beauty remains unseen.
I have been conscience about my weight since I was young. Maybe it was the magazines telling me that this is what a women should look like: "flawless" Maybe it was the career I wanted to steer towards: entertainment, and most of those who know me have no clue the cruel and malicious world of entertainment can be as I hid this hurtful and painful retention.
I have never been overweight although I was never satisfied with myself however I was innocently unaware of what I really had until I was pregnant with my first son. I had a thyroid issue that caused a severe out of control weight gain. However my doctor could only say that I was over eating. My sister will tell you it was not so. I gained almost 100 pounds. And for something that could have been stopped if I had the proper treatment. I should of had a blood test done to check my TSH levels, and back then I knew nothing about the medical business. It took almost 4 years to lose the weight, but not without the help of a prescribed drug. I lost weight pretty fast. I soon felt the confidence that I once had. There were plenty more things that I went through personally and deep within, however that is a whole other story.
Shortly after feeling better about myself we sold our house, most of our things and headed to Nashville Tennessee to write and sing. To make a long story short, I had been introduced to some people that were going to help me "break into the biz" or at least try. We talked about the music business and how hard it is to break in. We discussed how someone needs to have the whole package. I knew what this meant but I asked the question anyways, I guess you could say I really sat myself up for a fall. "what does the whole package mean?" he said "well, with a slight pause, looks, presence on stage and well you know the whole package." Not one time did he say talent.... really? really? I had just lost all my weight, in fact I was finally back to a size 5 after 4 years. Do you know what he told me? "For starters you are very beautiful we have no problem there, but you do need to loose 20 pounds." My heart sank and my dreams: "POOF" exploded into thin air. Once again I had some MAN telling me that I needed to loose weight this time it was in order to "fit" the part. At this point he has yet to hear me sing or listen to any of my songs that I wrote. Finally after I listened to more of his BS I had told him I had some songs. I gave the CD to him and he popped it into his CD player and hit play. He listened to about 30 seconds of one song and then hit the next button and played 30 seconds of another song until after about 3 minutes and turned it off. He looked at me and said "well we definitely don't have a problem with your voice either but here is what we need to do to get you noticed. Loose 20 pounds and I know someone that can get you some songs that you can record to get you heard." At this point I felt as though I was a motionless statue screaming to gasp for air. Shattered and deeply severed in two, I felt the emptiness of my stomach turning as if I was ready to vomit from pure devastation. As my ears started to ring the room started to spin. I grabbed onto the handles of my chair and quickly excused myself to the facilities. As I stood in front of the mirror I looked at myself and reran the words in my head and as the room slowly came to a halt these are what his words translated to me: You are Fat, and not a good writer, therefore you are not good enough for the world. I gathered myself and took my composure and we walked right out the door without looking back! I heard this many times in this town. But I never gave up. I kept going and I kept writing and found out their were many down right slimy people that would do anything for a buck. Although it was hurtful I never let it stomp me into the ground.
This is just a part of the battle I dealt with for myself. There are many of us out there that think we are not good enough for anyone. YOU are wrong. You are good enough, and you are better. Beauty remains inside, although we hear this term do we know what it means? Not really. When we hear "she is such a beautiful person on the inside" what is the first thing we think about? Such vein women we are: "she must not be pretty" Come one we all do it. Beauty remains on the outside as well. For the more confident and flawless that you are, will be the beauty that flows through your veins remaining unseen. When you are confident with yourself others see you as beautiful being that you are.
The ring that circles you as you walk into a room, is the ring that everyone can prominently see. If it is a ring that is depressed, gloomy, and frigidly timid, people will see you as an ugly "unseen" person that you feel you are. If that ring is a bright, shinning and vibrantly optimistic, people will see you as the beautiful person you are. The women that don't know she is beautiful who is constantly helping others see the beauty in themselves is a women of beautiful presence. A women who walks in oblivious of the eyes on her is the women who knows no boundaries when it comes to beauty. A women who sees the beauty in all, is a true women with the relentless power of beauty.
Is this person you? Make it be so.......:)
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