The complications of the world just continues to become un-baring. The relentless battle of your own voiceless body stumbles and trembles as you face your empty fears.
You get a job and you succeed, then it comes crashing down with one little deed. No one knows why the job ended or why you cant get the work, it just happens. So you then try and try to look for new work, only the work you look for is not there. No other job out there is going to pay you what your worth at this point now. People get these degrees in business and corporate world, and get even higher paying jobs until the big man at top starts to loose the money, once that happens it puts a mark on your head. Why not keep struggling day after day, pay check after pay check, rather then go to school to get that education? The unit secretary or the picker on the farm is the one who will keep their job over the managers with the MBAt. I feel anyone without a degree that has worked up in the company just as hard as the newly college graduate who holds a title MBA has done enough "homework" themselves to deserve the manager job. It has been my experience and my opinion that no one should want to work that hard to become a manager anyways because your job is NEVER safe. The little old secretary who has been there for years is the one who will retire with the company. They will go through 40 managers before she even retires. It use to be that a college education was never really needed, now they only want to hire if you have a degree, which will enhance your firing faster then anyone on the line. Do you see what the world is teaching us? The endless chatter and will-call for an education is worthless when the world is run as a boundless contradiction.
So your sites are set high, and sometimes too high thinking that you are better then the little pay they are offering. At this point in the game it is time to just suck it up and take what you can get. Do you think I like to see my husband have to apply at the stayton canary for a job in the factory after a successful business for over 6 years, and then moving here to Oregon for it all to fall apart? Do you think I love the fact to stop my dream of music? Absolutely not, but what else is left? I have no idea how I'm gonna come up with rent, electric, or water. They want to kick me out in 72 hours even though I called and explained to them what as going on with my unemployment, and that I can pay it next week, its not good enough. I am not the only person in the world going through this, I know this, but really? I have started Nursing school, the only thing in this world that makes sense right now. Its something that will always be needed and something that will always have a place in the world. I plan to continue on to my Masters, to deliver baby's - which is one of my other dreams. So technically I am not giving up on music, its just on hold. Grandpa always says anything worth while won't come easily. And the heartache, pain and suffering along with the struggles of day to day choices are proof it won't come easy.
I look into the smiling face of my 1 year old and he has no fears, no worries, just love and laughter. He has no fear of wondering if he will eat tomorrow, or a bed to sleep in. He sees the world in a different light. Its amazing to see the strength a child has to give you when you least expect or know it. Sometimes God has a way of shinning a light when the darkness wants to creep in and overtake it. I know that times will be rough and I will go insane for a few moments at a time, but when I see his smiling face I know God has some sort of plan, I can only pray and hope he does. The corner of my heart that is slowly turning to stone, continues to fight the kisses and hugs of my 11 year old that puts the softness back into it. My kids are my life and I just want them to know the struggles are real. But these are the times to stick together and build our strength to battle the rest of this un-forsaken, cruel and unforgiving world
School and family life is stressful and with that said it will all be worth it in the end.....
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