It's so complicated to explain at this point the fracture my heart has taken on. There have been so many times I call my grandma to see how she is as I call her each and everyday, and I hear that sweet voice. She seems so perfectly fine on the other end. But looking at her, her heart weakened by the treacherous drugs used to contradict the multiplication of this disease, her lovely smiling face grown grim and beat red, her arms ghastly bruised by the many needles poked into her, and the frailty of her voice fading exceedingly, the look in her eyes of pure and utter strength as she hangs on a little tighter each and every moment. Yet here she sits with still a smile through that grim face. Her courage and strength only proves the innocence of the unknown, and her strength will forever live in my heart and the hearts of my children that will go on forever.
It seems so surreal the news I got yesterday. Trying to ignore the silent killer this whole time, as if it really wasn't going to happen to my family, to someone I know. It almost seems like it would be simpler to have one go quickly, rather then to know your days are numbered, but then in the same contradicted sentence to do the things you have always wanted to do and get done before you go would be nice I suppose. I don't know anything to keep my mind away from the unruly truth. But now it is undeniably certain that the sharpened knife that has been forcefully piercing my heart these past few months, is now slowly twisting and turning forcing an uncontrollable anguish and sorrow for this one once small tiny lady with an immensely vast heart for her family, friends and most of all her loving husband. Just when I think I can't handle anymore, something additional happens again.
My mom says "try to be strong, and don't let her know you can't let her go. I know this is going to be so hard for you." I know I need to be strong, I cry in my own room on my own time, in front of no one. I have never broke down in front of her or my grandpa, trying to stay strong and positive. My dear sweet mom, trying so hard to mend my heart and it just can not be done at this time. She knows the special relationship I have with my grandparents and is so proud of that. She is living that legacy on with my kids, my sweet Weston SO loves his grandma and same with Madison. She is finally able to see the connection and what it means to be a grandmother, and Weston and Madison to know what its like to have a grandma like her.
I can barely see now as I continue to type these words. It has been so hard on me tearing me into pieces, that I can't call my best friend and complain about the horrible time I am going through with life itself, and topping it all off her life deteriorating right in front of me. So much to take on so much to deal with, only shows how much her strength runs through my veins. I usually can call her up and tell her all my problems and she always seemed to know just what I was going through, be it husband issues, rent issues, kid issues, or other family issues. She says the right things at the right moments and makes your heart tingle. I broke down and cried the last few days because I could not do that. I can not call her and tell her all my problems and leave that on her shoulders in order to relieve myself. This is about her now and her feelings, not about me and my tiny little problems that seem so small its unreal. My grandpa has become that ear on the phone lately and he too always has the encouraging words that make me smile. He says well first off "anything worth while, will not come easy" and words of the wise man himself says " I know it don't seem like it now but you will look back on all of this and laugh, and better yet it make you a stronger person, I can't tell you a number of times we had to start over in life, jobs missed, jobs gone, but we did it one way or another. It don't seem like it now, but this is a small piece of the puzzle."
I can not see this sweet sweet dear mans face as he learned the news yesterday. I can only imagine his heart being destroyed and shattered into tiny fragments. Living each and every day with the one person that completes your entire mind, soul and body, the one person who has stood by your side for over 57 years, the one person you wake up to and come home to everyday. The person who you loved so very much that you just couldn't bare to tell her her "lumpy gravy burst with powder in your mouth" and when you ate her beans she had actually cooked them and turned out great, you really did like them, only to find out while taking the trash out that night that there lie 2 big garbage sacks full of burnt beans. This women has been your soul mate since the moment you laid eyes on her, the falling in love part was the easiest thing you could of ever done, all the rest was comparing oranges to banana's, nothing was ever the same and something was always changing. But look where you are now, as you hold her hand and stand by her side I can never imagine the unceasing hurt, the dwelling pain, and your life flashing before your eyes can feel. How do you say goodbye to your partner you have had by you all your life? I am feeling so selfish when you grandpa are going through the most pain of all.
I pray and hope that the lord will allow me to be holding your hand as grandpa holds the other while you look up and smile at the rest of the world, and family and say goodbye.
I know you will be with us somewhere somehow you will leave me your sign showing me that you are still here, and with me every step, stumble, and hill I may climb. I love you Grandma.
How do I ever let you know that you Grandma and Grandpa are my hero.......
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
A Voiceless Body
The complications of the world just continues to become un-baring. The relentless battle of your own voiceless body stumbles and trembles as you face your empty fears.
You get a job and you succeed, then it comes crashing down with one little deed. No one knows why the job ended or why you cant get the work, it just happens. So you then try and try to look for new work, only the work you look for is not there. No other job out there is going to pay you what your worth at this point now. People get these degrees in business and corporate world, and get even higher paying jobs until the big man at top starts to loose the money, once that happens it puts a mark on your head. Why not keep struggling day after day, pay check after pay check, rather then go to school to get that education? The unit secretary or the picker on the farm is the one who will keep their job over the managers with the MBAt. I feel anyone without a degree that has worked up in the company just as hard as the newly college graduate who holds a title MBA has done enough "homework" themselves to deserve the manager job. It has been my experience and my opinion that no one should want to work that hard to become a manager anyways because your job is NEVER safe. The little old secretary who has been there for years is the one who will retire with the company. They will go through 40 managers before she even retires. It use to be that a college education was never really needed, now they only want to hire if you have a degree, which will enhance your firing faster then anyone on the line. Do you see what the world is teaching us? The endless chatter and will-call for an education is worthless when the world is run as a boundless contradiction.
So your sites are set high, and sometimes too high thinking that you are better then the little pay they are offering. At this point in the game it is time to just suck it up and take what you can get. Do you think I like to see my husband have to apply at the stayton canary for a job in the factory after a successful business for over 6 years, and then moving here to Oregon for it all to fall apart? Do you think I love the fact to stop my dream of music? Absolutely not, but what else is left? I have no idea how I'm gonna come up with rent, electric, or water. They want to kick me out in 72 hours even though I called and explained to them what as going on with my unemployment, and that I can pay it next week, its not good enough. I am not the only person in the world going through this, I know this, but really? I have started Nursing school, the only thing in this world that makes sense right now. Its something that will always be needed and something that will always have a place in the world. I plan to continue on to my Masters, to deliver baby's - which is one of my other dreams. So technically I am not giving up on music, its just on hold. Grandpa always says anything worth while won't come easily. And the heartache, pain and suffering along with the struggles of day to day choices are proof it won't come easy.
I look into the smiling face of my 1 year old and he has no fears, no worries, just love and laughter. He has no fear of wondering if he will eat tomorrow, or a bed to sleep in. He sees the world in a different light. Its amazing to see the strength a child has to give you when you least expect or know it. Sometimes God has a way of shinning a light when the darkness wants to creep in and overtake it. I know that times will be rough and I will go insane for a few moments at a time, but when I see his smiling face I know God has some sort of plan, I can only pray and hope he does. The corner of my heart that is slowly turning to stone, continues to fight the kisses and hugs of my 11 year old that puts the softness back into it. My kids are my life and I just want them to know the struggles are real. But these are the times to stick together and build our strength to battle the rest of this un-forsaken, cruel and unforgiving world
School and family life is stressful and with that said it will all be worth it in the end.....
You get a job and you succeed, then it comes crashing down with one little deed. No one knows why the job ended or why you cant get the work, it just happens. So you then try and try to look for new work, only the work you look for is not there. No other job out there is going to pay you what your worth at this point now. People get these degrees in business and corporate world, and get even higher paying jobs until the big man at top starts to loose the money, once that happens it puts a mark on your head. Why not keep struggling day after day, pay check after pay check, rather then go to school to get that education? The unit secretary or the picker on the farm is the one who will keep their job over the managers with the MBAt. I feel anyone without a degree that has worked up in the company just as hard as the newly college graduate who holds a title MBA has done enough "homework" themselves to deserve the manager job. It has been my experience and my opinion that no one should want to work that hard to become a manager anyways because your job is NEVER safe. The little old secretary who has been there for years is the one who will retire with the company. They will go through 40 managers before she even retires. It use to be that a college education was never really needed, now they only want to hire if you have a degree, which will enhance your firing faster then anyone on the line. Do you see what the world is teaching us? The endless chatter and will-call for an education is worthless when the world is run as a boundless contradiction.
So your sites are set high, and sometimes too high thinking that you are better then the little pay they are offering. At this point in the game it is time to just suck it up and take what you can get. Do you think I like to see my husband have to apply at the stayton canary for a job in the factory after a successful business for over 6 years, and then moving here to Oregon for it all to fall apart? Do you think I love the fact to stop my dream of music? Absolutely not, but what else is left? I have no idea how I'm gonna come up with rent, electric, or water. They want to kick me out in 72 hours even though I called and explained to them what as going on with my unemployment, and that I can pay it next week, its not good enough. I am not the only person in the world going through this, I know this, but really? I have started Nursing school, the only thing in this world that makes sense right now. Its something that will always be needed and something that will always have a place in the world. I plan to continue on to my Masters, to deliver baby's - which is one of my other dreams. So technically I am not giving up on music, its just on hold. Grandpa always says anything worth while won't come easily. And the heartache, pain and suffering along with the struggles of day to day choices are proof it won't come easy.
I look into the smiling face of my 1 year old and he has no fears, no worries, just love and laughter. He has no fear of wondering if he will eat tomorrow, or a bed to sleep in. He sees the world in a different light. Its amazing to see the strength a child has to give you when you least expect or know it. Sometimes God has a way of shinning a light when the darkness wants to creep in and overtake it. I know that times will be rough and I will go insane for a few moments at a time, but when I see his smiling face I know God has some sort of plan, I can only pray and hope he does. The corner of my heart that is slowly turning to stone, continues to fight the kisses and hugs of my 11 year old that puts the softness back into it. My kids are my life and I just want them to know the struggles are real. But these are the times to stick together and build our strength to battle the rest of this un-forsaken, cruel and unforgiving world
School and family life is stressful and with that said it will all be worth it in the end.....
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
My Grandma IS the Army
You are the most remarkable women I will ever meet in my life. You stand your ground even when your legs are shaky. You paint on a smile knowing its secretly forced. Continuing to give like a never ending fountain of giveness. Your heart lays quiet and full of love and comfort. Your soul remains untainted and clear as un-shattered glass. Your outlook on life is so much bigger then you really are, and in the same contradiction you yourself are bigger then life really is.
The sound of your sweet voice when you answer your telephone. Giving the person on the other end a sweet soothing smiling "hello". The possibility of being the only person on this earth who has peered into my soul. Forgiving anything I have ever done and loving me just that much for no judgment to ever be passed against me.
Who goes through life with out passing a single judgment on a single soul? Only you, the greatest of Christians could not do so. You are more rare then anything on this planet earth, or universe.
The burdens you have raptured, and the demons you have battled with in the silence of your quiet, undamaged and complete pure soul.
Never perceiving the word hate into your vocabulary, as I begin to grasp the meaning behind your strength, and your courage that holds you in sync. Never viewing the past as a weakling branch. Embracing the powerless and uncertainty of the forth coming future. With time dwindling quickly and the memories flooding profusely, God wanted you to have this one last dance.
With arms wide open and tears held back, I need to shriek out, that I, Grandma am your biggest fan of your most unspoken gift. This is the precious gift that you have bestowed onto me, and will forever be engraved deep into my soul.
You are my Grandma and without a doubt the best there is. You have truly been the best friend I have ever had in my entire life. The scared and unwariness of the innocent secrets shared between you and I, and the unselfish stolen moments will greatly be treasured for the rest of my living life. The beautiful smile of an unruly women, is just what a granddaughter could only hope for.
The feeling of thoughts running desperately through my conviction of such things as: "did I love her enough, did I hug her enough, did I do all the things she wanted me to do in life". The thought of disappointment that I may have caused shatters my heart with an intensely burning pain. I only hope and pray that you will be proud of my choices I have made, and the barrels I have jumped over for success in this factor we call life.
"So smart, beautiful, witty and kind. The kind of legacy meant to leave behind" (Tanya RaeLee)
The life I live today has greatly been influenced by this wonderful human being that roams the earth today. For tomorrow to understand the significance of stored away fears.
"With the many different roads I have wandered down and many steep hills I had to climb, yet here you are still remaining at my side." (Tanya RaeLee)
"You are a hero to me, the kind of Grandma I one day hop to be" (Tanya RaeLee)
I love you Grandma with all my heart and soul......
PS- The sayings with Tanya RaeLee behind will soon be in a song I will write for you.....
Thursday, March 3, 2011
The Weakend Soul
Life is short but the darkness of shattered strength lies awake in the corner waiting for your hunger to grasp it. Sometimes life seems too long and sometimes the Sunshine's too bright for one to open the eyes to see. The love you once thought you had may feel gone or depleted from your memories you once thought you had. But its there. Every now and again you reach into the silence of your unspoken core, taunt the fear of the unknown verses the known, and persist to feel the hidden state of mind you once knew as love. The years go past and the time stand stills. You hear the silent cries from deep within and ignore them over and over again. For what you thought was real was covered with blindness disguised as life. The world beats you down only to peel the brokenness up off the dirt to observe the distance between the one you love. The excruciating pain of building what was once established now lay in pieces below. Riding the roller coaster is the tears of your laughter when the pain is the only thing left that exists. Yearning for the once unguarded heart of the unconvicted. Haunting retention of everyday bears the oppressive weakness of the frame and the belief that it will once again return with strenuous exertion from deep in the soul, leaves the essence fragile and open to despair. The innocence is now affected and unknown, never to be known again in the state that it was once in. The sorrow of the everlasting suffering and misery remains in hopes of the pain diminishing significantly each arising morning, only to find the conclusion to be yet once again unchanged. Praying each night I lie my head down to take this torchred heart and make it whole again, and fighting the demons scratching my skin to get in. The barrier of the strength weakens without the prayers, and the frailty of my heart hangs on a thread as the day progresses. Standing my ground and keeping the flaws covered and concealed are now released for all to see.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
The Relentless Power of Beauty
Where does beauty come from? Do you know what beauty is? Do you think you are beautiful? How would you rate yourself on beauty? Such questions often run through a women's mind daily, and for some of us all day long. We see a women pass us and we think: Wow she has great legs, skin, hair, and body. I want that. But why do we want this? Is it because it will make us feel better? Will we be a better person? Or is it because we feel we need our husbands approval? Are we scared we may loose them if we are not exactly how we were when we met? It is painfully woeful how we as women view ourselves when complete beauty remains unseen.
I have been conscience about my weight since I was young. Maybe it was the magazines telling me that this is what a women should look like: "flawless" Maybe it was the career I wanted to steer towards: entertainment, and most of those who know me have no clue the cruel and malicious world of entertainment can be as I hid this hurtful and painful retention.
I have never been overweight although I was never satisfied with myself however I was innocently unaware of what I really had until I was pregnant with my first son. I had a thyroid issue that caused a severe out of control weight gain. However my doctor could only say that I was over eating. My sister will tell you it was not so. I gained almost 100 pounds. And for something that could have been stopped if I had the proper treatment. I should of had a blood test done to check my TSH levels, and back then I knew nothing about the medical business. It took almost 4 years to lose the weight, but not without the help of a prescribed drug. I lost weight pretty fast. I soon felt the confidence that I once had. There were plenty more things that I went through personally and deep within, however that is a whole other story.
Shortly after feeling better about myself we sold our house, most of our things and headed to Nashville Tennessee to write and sing. To make a long story short, I had been introduced to some people that were going to help me "break into the biz" or at least try. We talked about the music business and how hard it is to break in. We discussed how someone needs to have the whole package. I knew what this meant but I asked the question anyways, I guess you could say I really sat myself up for a fall. "what does the whole package mean?" he said "well, with a slight pause, looks, presence on stage and well you know the whole package." Not one time did he say talent.... really? really? I had just lost all my weight, in fact I was finally back to a size 5 after 4 years. Do you know what he told me? "For starters you are very beautiful we have no problem there, but you do need to loose 20 pounds." My heart sank and my dreams: "POOF" exploded into thin air. Once again I had some MAN telling me that I needed to loose weight this time it was in order to "fit" the part. At this point he has yet to hear me sing or listen to any of my songs that I wrote. Finally after I listened to more of his BS I had told him I had some songs. I gave the CD to him and he popped it into his CD player and hit play. He listened to about 30 seconds of one song and then hit the next button and played 30 seconds of another song until after about 3 minutes and turned it off. He looked at me and said "well we definitely don't have a problem with your voice either but here is what we need to do to get you noticed. Loose 20 pounds and I know someone that can get you some songs that you can record to get you heard." At this point I felt as though I was a motionless statue screaming to gasp for air. Shattered and deeply severed in two, I felt the emptiness of my stomach turning as if I was ready to vomit from pure devastation. As my ears started to ring the room started to spin. I grabbed onto the handles of my chair and quickly excused myself to the facilities. As I stood in front of the mirror I looked at myself and reran the words in my head and as the room slowly came to a halt these are what his words translated to me: You are Fat, and not a good writer, therefore you are not good enough for the world. I gathered myself and took my composure and we walked right out the door without looking back! I heard this many times in this town. But I never gave up. I kept going and I kept writing and found out their were many down right slimy people that would do anything for a buck. Although it was hurtful I never let it stomp me into the ground.
This is just a part of the battle I dealt with for myself. There are many of us out there that think we are not good enough for anyone. YOU are wrong. You are good enough, and you are better. Beauty remains inside, although we hear this term do we know what it means? Not really. When we hear "she is such a beautiful person on the inside" what is the first thing we think about? Such vein women we are: "she must not be pretty" Come one we all do it. Beauty remains on the outside as well. For the more confident and flawless that you are, will be the beauty that flows through your veins remaining unseen. When you are confident with yourself others see you as beautiful being that you are.
The ring that circles you as you walk into a room, is the ring that everyone can prominently see. If it is a ring that is depressed, gloomy, and frigidly timid, people will see you as an ugly "unseen" person that you feel you are. If that ring is a bright, shinning and vibrantly optimistic, people will see you as the beautiful person you are. The women that don't know she is beautiful who is constantly helping others see the beauty in themselves is a women of beautiful presence. A women who walks in oblivious of the eyes on her is the women who knows no boundaries when it comes to beauty. A women who sees the beauty in all, is a true women with the relentless power of beauty.
Is this person you? Make it be so.......:)
I have been conscience about my weight since I was young. Maybe it was the magazines telling me that this is what a women should look like: "flawless" Maybe it was the career I wanted to steer towards: entertainment, and most of those who know me have no clue the cruel and malicious world of entertainment can be as I hid this hurtful and painful retention.
I have never been overweight although I was never satisfied with myself however I was innocently unaware of what I really had until I was pregnant with my first son. I had a thyroid issue that caused a severe out of control weight gain. However my doctor could only say that I was over eating. My sister will tell you it was not so. I gained almost 100 pounds. And for something that could have been stopped if I had the proper treatment. I should of had a blood test done to check my TSH levels, and back then I knew nothing about the medical business. It took almost 4 years to lose the weight, but not without the help of a prescribed drug. I lost weight pretty fast. I soon felt the confidence that I once had. There were plenty more things that I went through personally and deep within, however that is a whole other story.
Shortly after feeling better about myself we sold our house, most of our things and headed to Nashville Tennessee to write and sing. To make a long story short, I had been introduced to some people that were going to help me "break into the biz" or at least try. We talked about the music business and how hard it is to break in. We discussed how someone needs to have the whole package. I knew what this meant but I asked the question anyways, I guess you could say I really sat myself up for a fall. "what does the whole package mean?" he said "well, with a slight pause, looks, presence on stage and well you know the whole package." Not one time did he say talent.... really? really? I had just lost all my weight, in fact I was finally back to a size 5 after 4 years. Do you know what he told me? "For starters you are very beautiful we have no problem there, but you do need to loose 20 pounds." My heart sank and my dreams: "POOF" exploded into thin air. Once again I had some MAN telling me that I needed to loose weight this time it was in order to "fit" the part. At this point he has yet to hear me sing or listen to any of my songs that I wrote. Finally after I listened to more of his BS I had told him I had some songs. I gave the CD to him and he popped it into his CD player and hit play. He listened to about 30 seconds of one song and then hit the next button and played 30 seconds of another song until after about 3 minutes and turned it off. He looked at me and said "well we definitely don't have a problem with your voice either but here is what we need to do to get you noticed. Loose 20 pounds and I know someone that can get you some songs that you can record to get you heard." At this point I felt as though I was a motionless statue screaming to gasp for air. Shattered and deeply severed in two, I felt the emptiness of my stomach turning as if I was ready to vomit from pure devastation. As my ears started to ring the room started to spin. I grabbed onto the handles of my chair and quickly excused myself to the facilities. As I stood in front of the mirror I looked at myself and reran the words in my head and as the room slowly came to a halt these are what his words translated to me: You are Fat, and not a good writer, therefore you are not good enough for the world. I gathered myself and took my composure and we walked right out the door without looking back! I heard this many times in this town. But I never gave up. I kept going and I kept writing and found out their were many down right slimy people that would do anything for a buck. Although it was hurtful I never let it stomp me into the ground.
This is just a part of the battle I dealt with for myself. There are many of us out there that think we are not good enough for anyone. YOU are wrong. You are good enough, and you are better. Beauty remains inside, although we hear this term do we know what it means? Not really. When we hear "she is such a beautiful person on the inside" what is the first thing we think about? Such vein women we are: "she must not be pretty" Come one we all do it. Beauty remains on the outside as well. For the more confident and flawless that you are, will be the beauty that flows through your veins remaining unseen. When you are confident with yourself others see you as beautiful being that you are.
The ring that circles you as you walk into a room, is the ring that everyone can prominently see. If it is a ring that is depressed, gloomy, and frigidly timid, people will see you as an ugly "unseen" person that you feel you are. If that ring is a bright, shinning and vibrantly optimistic, people will see you as the beautiful person you are. The women that don't know she is beautiful who is constantly helping others see the beauty in themselves is a women of beautiful presence. A women who walks in oblivious of the eyes on her is the women who knows no boundaries when it comes to beauty. A women who sees the beauty in all, is a true women with the relentless power of beauty.
Is this person you? Make it be so.......:)
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Dreams
Dreams are a big part of our lives whether its known or not. The theory of dreams is known to cause friction with people and their everyday life. Dreams and the conception they bring may surprise you, make you angry, sad, joyous, laugh, have excruciating pain in your heart, feel the fear it has left you and see the down spiral it may cause you. It's like having the devil at your door along with the tooth fairy, Santa, Jesus, the Easter bunny, Cupid, a Leprecone, or fairy Godmother and they are all kicking down your door.
Dreams are curiously perplexing in such a way that the explosion that happened in your mind the night before sometimes is amazingly forgotten. But why? Why is it that we cannot remember some of the strange and unusual things that happen in your mind while you sleep? What makes your mind turn such complex fixations? What is the meaning behind the dream that we remember? All these questions are still being examined today. Somewhere in a lab scientists are testing these very ideas that have been tested for centuries only to proof a scientific reasoning behind our dreams, rather then to believe on faith or a higher power.
My theory simply stating; that dreams are not from our inner consciences that make it into our dreams as the last thing we thought about before falling asleep, although sometimes it can, the dreams I speak of are from a part of our brain that has not and led to make one believe that can't be accessed. Although scientists think they know, they don't. The brain is this fragile, powerful fascination, and no one has quite the grip that they think they have on it. Only our creator knows the true story of this powerful mechanism that he created us, and how it works.I further believe that he does tap into our brain, showing us events that have not happened yet, and then allowing us to remember them for certain reasons. SOMEONE knew what they were doing when they locked that part of our brain up and threw away the key.
Can you imagine what you could do if you could use the full capacity of your brain? People think that a human being that can move objects with the mind, see the future, read someone’s mind, communicate with the dead, or the ability to see anything on paper being held backwards are all possessed by the devil. It just simply can't be. My theory will further explain that dreams are simply made up by the brain that uses the fixations it has from your everyday life along with the future that has been made at least 3-6 months in advanced. Sometimes it will incorporate your family, friends, enemies, co-workers, streets you grew up on, streets you have been on, and places you have been. The brain not the mind (as the mind is a totally different thing) is capable of making a story become real, and then in fact make it come true.
Have you ever been doing something and had to stop and say: I have done this exact thing before? Or drove down a road you have never been on and yet stop and think I have been here before. Some say it is dejavue. I will tell you it is not so. The street you have never been on before was something you had dreamed of sometime in the past, sometimes it may be the night before, and sometimes it may be years before. No one really knows for sure except for those who remember them-, which is very rare. Most human beings cannot remember most dreams. This is called a premonition. Definition: Premonition- precognition as the bible refers to it, also called future site. Some time during your dream your brain accesses the forbidden locked fragments that hold the key to seeing the future. How can one see the future if it has not been written yet? Is it? Do we know this for sure. I myself believe that the dejavue moments are the surpressed dreams that we do not remember for the future that we are not suppose to know. Yet if our creator locks this part of our brain then how does it leak out durring everyday life causing this thing called Dejavue? This is a question that only he can answer.
After doing some research I came across some very interesting articles. It states that Jean Dixon was born on January 3, 1918. Mrs. Dixon claimed to have predicted the election of a "blue-eyed democrat" in 1969, our 35th president, President John F. Kennedy. She also claimed to have predicted the assassination of the president that devastated the nation and many people all over the world. Mrs. Dixon apparently predicted that the Anti-Christ had been born on February 5, 1962 in the Middle East. She reportedly said the world would know about him in the early 1990's and that he would be destroyed by God in 1999.
One of the most reknown prophets was a Jewish-born convert to Catholicism and a physician, astronomer, astrologer who lived in the 1500's named Michel de Nostradame. He was apparently notable for his ability to effect cures by unique methods in some who had the medieval plague. It seems Nostradamus was somewhat protected from the inquisition by the fact that he apparently couched his quatrains in difficult to interpret wordings. Nostradamus allegedly used a “scrying” mirror to see visions. Some people are convinced that the quatrains Nostradamus wrote were predictions about the future and some believe that he predicted the advent of Hitler and the Nazi Holocaust, the assassination of President Kennedy, and the coming of World War III. One of Nostradamus's quatrains was: "The year 1999, seventh month, from he sky will come a great King of Terror. To bring back to life the great King of Mongols, before and after Mars to reign by good luck."
Passages in the Bible tell of prophets and prophecies, Jeremiah, Moses, Samuel and Elijah were regarded as prophets, The prophetess, Anna, is also mentioned in the Bible. The prophet Jeremiah apparently predicted that the Hebrews would be overtaken by the Babylonians and be enslaved by them for a period of seventy years.
These examples provided are just a small few I found while searching. I have had several of them myself since I was a little girl. The most recent one was of my life just recently, however they are things in the recent past mixed in with things in the near future I believe, therefore I can not discuss or even explain these images that play over at least twice a month. Sometimes having a powerful brain can tell you things in theory what you don't want to believe, therefore I chose to ignore it, but they still come night after night. No one knows of these things only because I feel the only one I can trust in this world at this time is me, myself, I, and the Lord. I can trust God and his true guidance to the path that I need to follow today. God only gives me what I can handle and not a pinch more. I believe that he has given me these things because I have asked for them over and over and over. But yet I chose to look the other way or try to "catch" what he is trying to tell me before it happens, but the fear for my ability gets in the way of the fear for myself. Someday he will give me the full strength to forgive those who have trespassed against me. I forgive them in my head, but I have not truly forgiven them in my heart. I even fool myself into believing I have but I have not. So I live with the guilty sin of knowing forgivness is the only true way to set me free, and yet I know this but still hold back.
Dreams are curiously perplexing in such a way that the explosion that happened in your mind the night before sometimes is amazingly forgotten. But why? Why is it that we cannot remember some of the strange and unusual things that happen in your mind while you sleep? What makes your mind turn such complex fixations? What is the meaning behind the dream that we remember? All these questions are still being examined today. Somewhere in a lab scientists are testing these very ideas that have been tested for centuries only to proof a scientific reasoning behind our dreams, rather then to believe on faith or a higher power.
My theory simply stating; that dreams are not from our inner consciences that make it into our dreams as the last thing we thought about before falling asleep, although sometimes it can, the dreams I speak of are from a part of our brain that has not and led to make one believe that can't be accessed. Although scientists think they know, they don't. The brain is this fragile, powerful fascination, and no one has quite the grip that they think they have on it. Only our creator knows the true story of this powerful mechanism that he created us, and how it works.I further believe that he does tap into our brain, showing us events that have not happened yet, and then allowing us to remember them for certain reasons. SOMEONE knew what they were doing when they locked that part of our brain up and threw away the key.
Can you imagine what you could do if you could use the full capacity of your brain? People think that a human being that can move objects with the mind, see the future, read someone’s mind, communicate with the dead, or the ability to see anything on paper being held backwards are all possessed by the devil. It just simply can't be. My theory will further explain that dreams are simply made up by the brain that uses the fixations it has from your everyday life along with the future that has been made at least 3-6 months in advanced. Sometimes it will incorporate your family, friends, enemies, co-workers, streets you grew up on, streets you have been on, and places you have been. The brain not the mind (as the mind is a totally different thing) is capable of making a story become real, and then in fact make it come true.
Have you ever been doing something and had to stop and say: I have done this exact thing before? Or drove down a road you have never been on and yet stop and think I have been here before. Some say it is dejavue. I will tell you it is not so. The street you have never been on before was something you had dreamed of sometime in the past, sometimes it may be the night before, and sometimes it may be years before. No one really knows for sure except for those who remember them-, which is very rare. Most human beings cannot remember most dreams. This is called a premonition. Definition: Premonition- precognition as the bible refers to it, also called future site. Some time during your dream your brain accesses the forbidden locked fragments that hold the key to seeing the future. How can one see the future if it has not been written yet? Is it? Do we know this for sure. I myself believe that the dejavue moments are the surpressed dreams that we do not remember for the future that we are not suppose to know. Yet if our creator locks this part of our brain then how does it leak out durring everyday life causing this thing called Dejavue? This is a question that only he can answer.
After doing some research I came across some very interesting articles. It states that Jean Dixon was born on January 3, 1918. Mrs. Dixon claimed to have predicted the election of a "blue-eyed democrat" in 1969, our 35th president, President John F. Kennedy. She also claimed to have predicted the assassination of the president that devastated the nation and many people all over the world. Mrs. Dixon apparently predicted that the Anti-Christ had been born on February 5, 1962 in the Middle East. She reportedly said the world would know about him in the early 1990's and that he would be destroyed by God in 1999.
One of the most reknown prophets was a Jewish-born convert to Catholicism and a physician, astronomer, astrologer who lived in the 1500's named Michel de Nostradame. He was apparently notable for his ability to effect cures by unique methods in some who had the medieval plague. It seems Nostradamus was somewhat protected from the inquisition by the fact that he apparently couched his quatrains in difficult to interpret wordings. Nostradamus allegedly used a “scrying” mirror to see visions. Some people are convinced that the quatrains Nostradamus wrote were predictions about the future and some believe that he predicted the advent of Hitler and the Nazi Holocaust, the assassination of President Kennedy, and the coming of World War III. One of Nostradamus's quatrains was: "The year 1999, seventh month, from he sky will come a great King of Terror. To bring back to life the great King of Mongols, before and after Mars to reign by good luck."
Passages in the Bible tell of prophets and prophecies, Jeremiah, Moses, Samuel and Elijah were regarded as prophets, The prophetess, Anna, is also mentioned in the Bible. The prophet Jeremiah apparently predicted that the Hebrews would be overtaken by the Babylonians and be enslaved by them for a period of seventy years.
These examples provided are just a small few I found while searching. I have had several of them myself since I was a little girl. The most recent one was of my life just recently, however they are things in the recent past mixed in with things in the near future I believe, therefore I can not discuss or even explain these images that play over at least twice a month. Sometimes having a powerful brain can tell you things in theory what you don't want to believe, therefore I chose to ignore it, but they still come night after night. No one knows of these things only because I feel the only one I can trust in this world at this time is me, myself, I, and the Lord. I can trust God and his true guidance to the path that I need to follow today. God only gives me what I can handle and not a pinch more. I believe that he has given me these things because I have asked for them over and over and over. But yet I chose to look the other way or try to "catch" what he is trying to tell me before it happens, but the fear for my ability gets in the way of the fear for myself. Someday he will give me the full strength to forgive those who have trespassed against me. I forgive them in my head, but I have not truly forgiven them in my heart. I even fool myself into believing I have but I have not. So I live with the guilty sin of knowing forgivness is the only true way to set me free, and yet I know this but still hold back.
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